• Dating in the time of Corona

    Dating in the time of Corona

    therapist Drew Rabidoux regarding dating in Corona

    “Drew!  I’m falling behind on my plan on finding my partner, this whole virus is setting me back.”

    “How do I possibly date when you can’t get together with anyone?”

    “I want to have sex with this guy I am dating, how do we do that safely?”

    I hear these questions every day. We have never been through anything like Coronavirus in our lifetimes. I’m amazed at how people still feel pressure to upkeep their normal life when life is not normal at all right now. 

    We don’t know when it will be. 

    I have seen some pretty creative ways of getting around the challenges of Coronavirus and I’M HERE FOR IT!

    Some of my clients have dates over video.  If we can do therapy that way, why not dating?  It’s a great alternative. I actually am going to put myself on the line and suggest that it might be better than seeing each other in person. There is no distraction of anything but the two of you and conversation.  You really get to know someone well when all you can do is talk to them. 

    The way folks approach the pandemic also has a lot to do with their values, pay attention to it. I think opposites can make for a beautiful relationship, but I don’t think that the differences should be your values. What if the person you go out with doesn’t believe COVID19 is real?  You’ve lost several family members and unfortunately know how real it really is.  There’s an opportunity to talk about it if you want to, maybe they haven’t seen the devastating impacts of the virus until they met you. If you see them accept your perspective with compassion and understanding, that’s great. If they still continue to dismiss the heartbreaking experience of losing people to the virus, move on.  It’s not a good match. 

    What if you’re not comfortable with meeting up and having physical contact and your date is pushing, possibly guilt tripping you to get together?  You’ve communicated clearly that you are not comfortable with that. This is showing a lack of respect. If you’ve communicated your comfort level and boundaries and they don’t respect them?  RUN!  And thank them because you’ve just saved yourself a whole lot of time with someone who doesn’t respect you. 

    I think dating in the midst of the pandemic might bring some of the most enriching opportunities to get to know someone without all of the distractions. You also get to learn about their values. I would encourage you to set up virtual dates and get to know someone. You can pretend you’re out at dinner and having a conversation. Just think about how excited you will be to finally meet your match in person. Totally worth it. 

    Don’t rush it. Take your time.  Even if you have chemistry over the internet, you might not in person.  Don’t make any commitments until both of you are ready.  If it feels right to meet and you know you’re both safe to do so, make it happen. 


     

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