• Have you ever had a setback?

    Maybe a dream job that you applied to that you didn’t get. Or you may have lost your job.

    Perhaps a relationship with someone you really loved that didn’t work out?

    Maybe a friendship that ended and you miss your BFF.

    You haven’t been caring well for yourself after a streak of putting yourself at the top of your to-do list?

    I get it. It is disappointing to not have things turn out the way you hoped for. I am the comeback queen, but I’ve been in places where it’s seemed hard to get there. The road might not look like you’ve imagined but I promise the journey is the most important part.

    The most you can do is put one foot in front of the other and move forward. You can cry, yell, go to the wrecking room and break shit (NOTE: THIS REALLY EXISTS!), and bury your sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.  Just don’t stay there.

    Honey, there is so much waiting for you.

    Just because you are having a hard time it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it means you have a life. Life is hard sometimes. You always get another chance to get back in the game.

    Here are some tips to getting over something difficult:

    1. Your friends have got your back. It’s true, I have friends who I could call at 4am and they would get on the next plane, train, or automobile to be by my side. Who are yours?  If you don’t have any of those friends, are you that kind of friend to others?  You must cultivate the type of friendship that you want. It’s never too late to become that kind of friend. If you need to make more friends, you will find them where your passion is. Love to cook?  Take a cooking class.  Love to run?  Join a running group.  You will find your people and they will find you. NYC is a big place with so many amazing people to build relationships and friendships with. But I must remind you: your friends are not your therapists.  Sometimes you need to bring the big stuff to your therapist.  It’s good to have someone outside of your world to help you figure out how to move forward. Also, you want to allow your friends to be friends, go to a professional who knows it’s their job to support you.
    2. Give yourself some grace. It’s ok that you didn’t see that glaring red flag of a relationship ready to fail. I am willing to bet you are going to learn a lot in the process of moving forward. Even if it doesn’t seem like it was a necessary misstep, it may have been.  Go easy on yourself. Apologize to others and apologize to yourself. It’s ok to make mistakes, you are human.
    3. Always turn back to yourself. Show up for yourself. Make your bed in the morning, get yourself your favorite candle, draw yourself a luxurious bubble bath, dress up in your lucky suit, or discover your comeback song.  It’s important to pour into yourself what you need.  I always remind myself it’s difficult to be mad or sad when you are dancing, so get to it!  Make a playlist (or find someone else’s) it really does help.
    4. I know it might feel like you will feel this way forever, but you won’t. Take stock of how you feel in the first days or weeks of the setback and check in again after a month, two months, etc. You will notice the difference. If things get worse, it’s time to get some reinforcements. You can talk to your doctor or talk to your therapist. It’s ok to need help.
    5. Don’t move backwards, but if you do, remember you can start again. It’s ok if you go off the path. You can always change your mind about everything and anything.  There’s no right way to do this. You can start over again every minute, every hour, every day.

    So there you have it. You can do this, and you will. You get to make your own rules… and change them!

     


     

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