• Love Bomber BEWARE

    Who doesn’t love attention? Who doesn’t love a partner who knows what they want right away? Who doesn’t love someone who is into you immediately?

    If I had a dollar for every relationship that has started this way and ended in heartbreak, well, I wouldn’t still be writing blogs and I’d be on a beach somewhere drinking something with an umbrella in it. I love my job but supporting a heartbreak after a love bomb is a hard part of it. Generally, women love to have attention paid to us and we love being pursued. So what happens when the pursuit comes on strong and dwindles? That, my loves, is love bombing and it’s dangerous.

    Love bombing comes in different packages:
    1. Your new partner says that they love you right away, like sometimes in the first week. You ARE LOVEABLE, but a smart heart watches first and lets the emotions build over time. They will find you attractive, interesting, and want to spend more time with you, but they won’t want to do everything in the first few weeks, including professing their love.

    2. They will seem “too good to be true.” You know what you get with sugar coating? A toothache. You can trust but verify. They say they want a long term relationship and they are reliable, but are they showing up when they say they will? Are they following through with what they say? Are they stating they are respectful but disrespect people around you? Take note, their actions should mirror their words. If they don’t, you might have fallen for the person they’ve presented they are but in real life they are not.

    3. They play to your emotions quickly. They tell you how their last partner dumped them and they have been wounded. They are not sure they can trust again. They have never trusted someone like they trust you. That is a pink flag, so watch for a red one. A pink flag is something to look out for and gather more information, a red flag is something that stands out that is a warning sign. Know the difference. If they say they feel they can completely trust you in the first week or they know you are a good person after the second date, be wary. If they want to run down to city hall to marry you after the first date, that is a red flag.

    I am not saying that you can’t experience love at first sight. It does happen, but the right person is going to know you will be around for a while and won’t want to lock it down right away. Typically locking it down right away is a sign that they may want to lock it down so that you can’t turn back. This is love, not a NYC apartment, if it’s the right person they will be there for you whenever you are ready.

    Trust your gut. If something seems amiss, it probably is. There is a trigger, something that happens suddenly that triggers a fight or flight response. And there is an instinct, something you suspect or perceive over time that doesn’t go away. If you have old wounds from past relationships, it is worth it to work through them in therapy. If you work through them, they become a scar, not a wound. A wound needs to be healed. A scar is something you are aware of but is healed from your past. It’s not an open wound anymore. It doesn’t mean you aren’t aware of it and you aren’t continuously working on it, it means you have learned from it and healed.

    You can have a type of someone that comes on strong. Explore that. Make a list of past relationships and what things were like in the beginning and how they ended. Notice the patterns. This will help you. Note what draws you in to give someone your attention and what common threads happen to how the relationship ends. This will help you be aware of the same patterns in the future.
     


     

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