Flying the coop.

The weather has been warm and I’ve spent many days swinging in my hammock or sitting on my front porch watching the traffic go by. Lately it’s been a little louder than normal. I noticed the other day that I hear more birds chirping than springs in the past.

I discovered I had several birds nests right around my house. And specifically behind the molding over my front door. By the time I discovered it, it was too late to discourage the birds from moving in as it seems they already hatched the babies.

And I will not be the heartless bitch that evicts the baby birds.

So we peacefully (some days) and unpeacefully (on other days) exist.

I learned something about baby birds recently. The mother flies to get worms or other foods (when it’s raining my yard is filled with mama birds picking worms). She brings them back to her babies and feeds them. She gets to a point where she thinks they can start to learn to fly and waits patiently to see them do it on their own. She has to give incentive for them to do it, so she might not bring as much food anymore so that they have to go out and get it themselves. Sometimes the babies try to fly and fail miserably (fall to the ground) and sometimes they spread their wings and begin to make their journey.

Let me tell you who is THRILLED about our new bird neighbors…. my cats. They spend all day on the screened in porch watching the birds and occasionally forgetting about the screen and trying to pounce to get them. Our youngest cat does this cute babble at them and they seem to know he can’t go out so the birds and squirrels tease him. It’s quite a sight to watch.

Anyway, I am not writing this blog to tell you about the wildlife in my yard.

I am writing to tell you about my bird phobia.

It goes way back… way back to when I lived in NYC in 2001. I had a friend who lived on the same block. This was back in the days of Blockbuster and I had a couple of movies I was bringing to my friend. I did not know he had a bunch of birds who moved into the tree in his front yard. If you don’t know, those mama birds are VERY protective of their babies. So when I approached his door to go in, I felt something hit the back of my head. When I swung my arms and looked up, I discovered mama was attacking the back of my head. My friend was out on his porch that overlooked the front yard. He was hysterically laughing as I was quite frankly, fighting for my life to protect myself from the angry mama bird. How was she to know I didn’t want to hurt her babies? She had her instincts activated and wasn’t going to wait to find out what my intentions were.

I went flailing out of his front yard into the street. Mama kept attacking until I reached a comfortable distance from the nest she was guarding. She left me alone. Up close I was an enemy, far away I was harmless.

When I saw the birds in my yard and reflected back on the bird attack of 2001, I had fear overcome me. I saw the cute little birds as a threat instead of a part of my surroundings. I acknowledged the fear and stayed alert and cautious of how close I could get to the nest, which is right above where I sit on my front porch. I sat a few times and the mama squawked, I continued to move towards and sat in my chair. She looked but didn’t move. I realized she has probably been watching me and knows I sit on my front porch every day to enjoy the views and it was part of what she had to accept building a nest on my porch. I left her alone and she left me alone too. We coexist with a little fear but the fear isn’t driving the bus.

So, my love, do you think I am writing this to teach you about birds? No. I am writing this to teach you about fear, making room, and acceptance.

Fear is a feeling. It is one that can turn into driving the bus of your life. Fear is INEVITABLE. It’s going to show up. Have you ever met a person who is afraid of nothing? I assure you there is something they are afraid of, they just know how to deal with the fear or coexist with it.

I can tell you the mama bird is afraid of me hurting her babies, but she has acknowledged the fear and accepted that having me is a part of what she has to have if she wants to build the family’s next above my head. She probably gets activated every time I walk on my porch, but she accepts it. In my mind she is thinking… “here comes this lady again but she’s never attacked my babies, so I am going to try to get her to stay away, but I know she usually just sits and doesn’t bother us.”

I know that if I want to sit on my porch, I need to watch the cues to see if she thinks i’m way too close or if she’s going to step into protect mode. That would mean I need to figure out how to sit on my front porch without her attacking me too badly. I acknowledge that the bird attack of 2001 was a bird that didn’t know me. She saw me as a threat. That was then and this is now. This is not the same bird.

What are you afraid of? Does an opportunity present itself and you recoil? It’s just too scary. You get a divorce and you don’t want to tell your family because you feel ashamed and/or unlovable. You have Herpes and you don’t want to disclose to a new partner for fear of rejection. You are facing some of the hardest moments of your life and are afraid to reach out for help.

Here’s what you should do. Sit with the fear. What does that look like? If you are ashamed, be ashamed. If you are sad, be sad, If you are fearful of the future, be fearful of the future. I promise that fear will not last forever unless you will yourself not to have it at all. Supressing fear makes it sneak into more places where it doesn’t belong. It’s so much easier if you just acknowledge it, make room, and move on.

What does make room for fear mean? Acknowledge the fear and do the hard thing ANYWAY. I assure you, your feeling of how it is going to go is not the full story. Something happens when you make an action… you find the courage to move through it. Because you have to. Because you will. So, if you are afraid, be afraid, and move forward.

Call a friend and tell her/him that you need (insert a specific thing you need in that moment) from them. You can say, “I am feeling really vulnerable. I just need you to listen, I don’t need advice.”

I was chosen as student speaker when I was graduating from college. The first thing I said when I got to the podium was, “I am really nervous to give this speech.” Guess what happened? I knocked it out of the park. I ackowledged the fear and moved through it.

You can do the same.

Why? Because I know it.