New problem, old shit

I get at least a few calls a week from women who were recently diagnosed with Herpes. It’s a new issue for them. The thing is, when a woman calls about problems around having Herpes, after she deals with the immediate physical discomfort, is old problems she has yet to deal with or recognize are still there.

Herpes is a super common virus, in fact, it’s estimated that many more people than we know of statistically have it. Typically when you disclose a Herpes diagnosis to someone you will hear “I have it too” probably at least half of the time or they know someone who has it. It’s not a NEW problem.

And I’m not saying any of this to discount your experience of being diagnosed with Herpes. It can be absolutely devastating. I get it.

The thing is, the issues that come along with it typically don’t have everything to do with Herpes. Those issues were most likely around before Herpes was even a thought. Often it brings up an existential crisis of sorts. Will anyone love me? Was this relationship/fling/situationship WORTH getting herpes? This dirtbag wasn’t honest with me, why do I pick people who lie to me? Why did I think this person was going to be forever and worth Herpes and isn’t? Why don’t I know how to pick people? Why do I make bad/rash/unthought out decisions? Why do I get drunk/fall into passion/not wait for commitment?

It’s runs the gamut.

What I WILL tell you is, I get ZERO calls from women who have been diagnosed with Herpes and feel good about it. Zero. ZIlch, Nada.

I also don’t get calls from women who view this horrible diagnosis as an opportunity to deal with their old shit. But that’s what needs to happen to make some sort of sense of the devastation of the diagnosis.

Story time. I have been on a “diet” for most of my life. I avoided carbs for some time, was vegetarian, did the fast metabolism diet, used well known diet programs, and eventually realized none of that worked and allowed myself to enjoy things in moderation. It turns out I never met a cupcake I don’t like. Moderation did not happen.

I went to the doctor recently and the news was not good. I gained weight over the years and my body doesn’t forgive as much as it used to. I have all kinds of cascading problems from not figuring it out sooner.

So what do you think I did?

I started to view the self sabotage. I don’t set time aside for myself that I should. I put my kids needs before my own sometimes, or worse, use their needs as my excuse to not exercise or do movement throughout the day.

But this isn’t a new problem. This is a problem I’m being forced to deal with because my health is being impacted. Herpes is similar. I’m not saying that everyone with Herpes has problems, that isn’t true. But it IS TRUE that everyone has problems that we could take some time to deal with.

The weight gain isn’t about only diet or exercise, it’s about need to give myself more self love, emotional eating (to avoid emotions), denial, fear of getting older, committing to myself, and a myriad of other things I need to deal with. I am a human after all who grew up with a mom who was never NOT on a diet. It’s in my DNA. I was trying to rebel against her but ended up hurting myself in the process. It’s about finding a way to live with both being a child who saw dieting and was always encouraged to not weigh too much and allowing myself to take care of my body and have a cupcake every once and a while.

So if you’re struggling with a new Herpes diagnosis. It’s not about just Herpes. It’s about a lot of things. Those things can be looked at and processed. Herpes doesn’t have a cure but it can cure you of a lot of other problems, or at least bring them to light so you can use them to process unprocessed things. I love to be part of that process for people.

You deserve it!