Shame and Herpes
Herpes and shame can often come together. I’m sure it’s not impossible to imagine.
Learn more about my course, Women Coping with Herpes.
The truth is that shame often can become unleashed after a Herpes diagnosis. Like a wild horse released from the stable, it’s running off and it might never come back. This is a lot of the reason why I talk so much about the other side of Herpes being the emotional side that your doctor doesn’t help you with. A really nice one might but it’s really the wheelhouse of mental health providers like me. Doctors are taught to pathologize. They see your outbreak, they have meds or creams to help you, but those are just bandaids.
There is not cure for Herpes.
I have supported people in very difficult times of their Herpes diagnosis. It’s life-changing. They are afraid to talk to anyone about it because it is shameful to have Herpes. It’s like a scarlet letter that you have to wear and reveal to those you have most at risk with. Potential partners, in a position to accept or reject you, must be told this shameful secret and decide if they want to stick around and pursue a relationship with you or run the other way.
Ok, real talk….. Herpes is NOT the end of the world.
But I know it might feel like it right now. There is a way to COPE with Herpes. And shaming yourself for having it is not one of the ways to cope. My guess is that the shame is rooted in other stuff too, not just Herpes. Fear of rejection. Fear of being open to be hurt. Fear of wanting something that someone else might not and feeling that rejection deeply.
I was talking to someone about my work yesterday. As I spoke I had this vision of a woman with a cinderblock on top of her head. It was weighing her down and she wanted it gone. Next, I saw a vision of her taking that cinderblock down off of her head and using it to elevate herself up. With each additional cinderblock, I saw her do the same thing until she was elevated on top of a huge pyramid of blocks and she was looking down with an assured expression on her face. She kind of had the look of: “C’mon! Whatever you give me, whatever you weigh me down with, I will take it and use it to level up.”
Yes. That is what also needs to be done with Herpes.
Herpes does not level you down. It levels you up. Bear with me….
If you can live through a Herpes diagnosis, learn how to live with it, learn how to manage your outbreaks, manage how to dislose to partners, learn how to help others, and find out how to help yourself….. you have successfully used it to leverage yourself above your challenges. I believe that we do not progress without community. That is why I am committed to creating a community of women helping other women cope with Herpes. It’s like a big sister teaching you how to ride your bike. You might fall off, but she’s right there to help you up and put you back onto the bike until you can get on it and ride on your own.
I’ve seen it time and time again, women leverage Herpes to level up. And my darling, it’s your turn.
Learn more about my course, Women Coping with Herpes.
