We are humans too

I remember reading something once that said you can’t be a couples therapist unless your relationship didn’t have any problems.

Why such a high bar?

And what relationship doesn’t have any problems? Relationship problems are normal. And so are life problems. So if I don’t have a perfect life I shouldn’t be a therapist? That just doesn’t make any sense.

The fact of the matter is, because I am not perfect makes me a GREAT therapist. The fact that messes have happened and I’ve emerged on the other side means that I’ve got grit and tenacity. Who wouldn’t want a therapist with either of those?

I would say having children has been the hardest job and the most growth inspiring one that I’ve ever had. I make mistakes as a parent. It’s inevitable. It’s how I emerge from the mistakes that is important. In my family of origin, it wasn’t ok to make mistakes. There were forced apologies, but not many genuine ones. My parents did the best they could with what they had. Apologies somehow, to them, meant weakness. Undoing that as an adult is a mindfuck. Now I find myself struggling to apologize sometimes with my kids. But when I do…. there is so much beauty. And they are forgiving. I told my teenager that they didn’t come with a manual so I was just doing my best. My teen was ok with that.

My son said to me the other day, “It’s ok mom, everybody makes mistakes.” How sweet and gracious. `I know I’m not perfect all of the time, but I was happy to hear that come out of his mouth. Even if I don’t apologize all of the time (which I know I don’t), he knows that I do about some things and it gives him permission to do the same.

Perfection is impossible. Progress is important. Doing the work is important. Unblocking the blocks is imperative to healing. And we all can do it. Even if it’s hard, it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong thing to do. Over time it becomes easier and it might even come more naturally someday.

Try it. I promise it won’t be as bad as you think.